Let’s face it. There’s always this one person you dread talking to. But then somehow, one day, the stars align and you find yourself stuck alone with said person and you don’t know what to do. With the help of one of my best friends, I have compiled 5 Ways To Avoid A Conversation — hopefully a handy way to keep that pesky friend off your back.
1. “It’s now that time of the day when I pray in silence.”
As Leanne says, “no one can refute religion. *diva finger*”
2. “I have a fatal disease which is contagious, especially through verbal interactions.”
Okay, probably not such a good idea, seeing as that person you’re with would probably find that as an opportunity to tell you about his or her pet dog or cat or zebra that no one really cares about, but at least you won’t be obliged to reply.
3. “It’s time for me to meditate so I can’t be with you at the moment”
Maybe you can add a few “ohms” and slap the other person for breathing too loudly with the excuse that it interferes with your aura. That way, he or she will never ever want to go near you ever again.
4. “My doctor says I can only speak a maximum amount of 500 words a day and if I exceed that quota, I will go into an epileptic fit.”
My advice? Foam at the mouth to produce the desired effect.
5. “I need my personal time and space to mourn.”
“My neighbour’s pet chihuahua attacked my mother’s flower beds yesterday and all the caterpillars in it died and we spent all night burying them because they meant so much to us.”
Or, you know, you could just tell him or her to shut up then send them back to wherever they came from.