An Open Letter To The Brother I Lost

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14 years, 7 months and 3 days into the day you passed, and I still wonder what life would be like if you had stayed on with us. I often wish I had the chance to grow up with you, as I did with Twin 1. The 6 year age difference would have caused a rift between us in the earlier part of your childhood, but seeing as you would be turning 15 in a few months if you are still around, I think things would be different — the way things are different between Nigel and I now.

 

You would be happy to know that life is getting better for us now, the entire family. There were times when Nigel and I worried about Mum and Dad’s health but things seem to be turning around for us. We are able to afford better things, we are all able to spend quality time together. Although mum and dad are pretty busy I’m still glad we are able to spend time with them individually. Last night your big brother had a basketball game in which St. Joseph’s School won against SM Sains. Probably not such a big victory, but it was a victory nonetheless. He’s doing better in his studies too. Sometimes I can tell he’s a little sad about things, and I wish you were around to change that for him. He doesn’t talk about it much, but I know he wishes you were around to keep him company.

 

Mum’s business is thriving, much to our relief. The first couple of years were hard, but she’s a hard worker. Sometimes we worry about her being too tired because she just works non-stop every weekend, but her weekdays are much more free, and we’re glad about that. She recently developed a sense of humour though, and If you could hear her, you’d clench your sides laughing. Some of her jokes are really inappropriate and they make us blush especially when we’re out in public but at least she gives us a good laugh. Last night during the basketball match she was clueless and for half of the second quarter she thought someone else was your big brother. .. Yeah, she’s embarrassing like that.

 

Dad is all right, quiet as ever. Hardly talks about himself unless we ask and he works hard to keep us happy. I can tell he’s proud of us but he refuses to let us know because he doesn’t want it to get to us. He keeps us motivated and even though we disagree sometimes, we all know he wants the best for us. I just wish he’d take better care of himself though. We’d all take care of him but he’s just too stubborn for all that. 

 

And as for me? I’m the first in both sides of the family to enter university (also cause I’m the eldest). I’m doing all right, and I often remind myself to be grateful that I have a great family whom I want to make proud. It’s not easy, though, but I have vowed to pay back every cent mum and dad have invested into me. 

 

We’ve all made mistakes in our past, and in a way, we’re all trying to make up for it. I wish you were still around so there wouldn’t be any space left in the car. I wish you were around so you would help eat my leftovers and I didn’t have to give them all to your big brother cause he’s already such a glutton. I wish you were around so I could take you for movies and ice-cream together with your big brother. 

 

But I’m glad you’re at a better place. God had his reasons, and at the end of the day, I know you’re watching over us and praying for us. I think this better life we have now is cause of you, because you’re pulling strings in Heaven and saying “My family deserves better.” And I thank you.

 

Take care up there, I love you.

 

 

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Author: Natalie Ha

I remember being enthralled with the written word ever since my parents started reading fairytales to me at a young age. Seeing the power it has to influence behaviours and mindsets, I have learned, over the years, to translate my thoughts onto paper, in an attempt to positively disrupt the lives of others. Having my written works published in various forms of media has empowered me to weave stories that people can resonate with. I look forward to the life-long process of perfecting this craft, and hope to see my work touch the hearts of many in the future. This blog attempts to do just that - and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy penning it down.

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