I’ve always been a fan of oldies, and I’ve always loved singing along to them, ever since I was a little girl. Back in the day, my parents would play Lite N Easy (now called Lite FM) on the radio during our drives to and from school, my grandparents’ houses, and our little shopping trips in the town. Naturally, I grew up remembering the lyrics to many of those songs; one of them being Daydream Believer by The Monkees. It was only when I grew up, that “Daydream Believer” took on a different meaning to me.
I was in Form 5 when my parents had a huge fight and decided to separate. We moved out of my childhood home and lived as two different families. It upset me more than it should have; only because I knew this was more serious than any other fight they had before. It distracted me from SPM and from the priorities I was supposed to have put forward as a student who was at the end of her secondary education. That year, everyone around me seemed to have performed so well in their exams and had moved to different cities to pursue their dreams, while I was stuck in a rut, in the small town I grew up in. Because of my sub-par SPM results, I had no choice but to enter Form 6.
I went into Form 6 with no friends absolutely no self-confidence. I couldn’t afford college, and because of my ethnicity, I couldn’t apply to public colleges, while the few friends I had were living the college life. Being elected as a prefect and the President of the English Language Society, on top of the academic pressures I was put through, did nothing to make me feel better about the place I was in. Midway through Upper 6, I fell into depression. I had lost a lot of weight and skipped school so often, feigning sickness and crying every night. This was definitely not what I had in mind for my life after secondary school. Those circumstances were the furthest from my utopian fantasies.
As a result, I had always dreamed of having a better future. A future that depended solely on my own actions and decisions, a future that I could control. An aptitude test once told me that I am made up of 100% control, and dreaming about that future made me feel like for once, I was in control. Circumstances proved differently in reality, but in my dreams and fantasies, things could get better. It was then that I decided to stop wallowing in self-pity. If I couldn’t change my own circumstances, no one could.
So I studied. I started picking up what was left of my shattered self-confidence in June 2012. I had 5 months left till STPM, and I was determined to get results decent enough for me to pursue a university degree that would take me to a place where I wanted to be for a long time, but was never afraid to admit. A place where I could write as a career, and to derive happiness from it; something I really needed.
In the end, I made it. I’m not in the best writing school in the world, or even Malaysia for that matter, but it’s all right. I will make it someday. Now that I’m pursuing a degree in Communications, I have stopped squandering the opportunities given to me. I was given a second chance, and I fully intend to make the most out of it. I will be entering the second year of my studies soon, and so far, I have managed to be more proactive in class and I have successfully managed to maintain an above average CGPA.
I believed in my daydreams. So should everyone else.